Earl Snyder's Dead Ringer

ATTENTION: All-Star Game

2005-07-11T09:25:00.000-04:00

Kenny Rogers will, in fact, be participating in the All-Star game. To those of you whom find this offensive due to Rogers' assault on the cameramen, I suggest boycotting the All-Star game. This may seem like a bit of an extreme measure, but I think if you really find it outrageous that Rogers' is being permitted to play in the All-Star game, it's the right thing to do.

Watching the home-run derby is okay, though, since the pitchers do not appear in this.

Speaking of which, are Embree and Cassidy pitching for the home-run derby?

Horror in the 8th

2005-05-16T21:27:00.000-04:00

Alright, so yesterday's game was pretty horrifying. Eh, alright, I'm stretching it a little, but it wasn't pretty. Besides the 400th homerun for Manny, it was a bit on the torturous side. They had a chance, but then Millar reminded us why we've been calling him rally-killer for a few weeks now. And Wakefield wasn't the Wakefield of late... more like the reflief pitcher formerly known as Blaine Neal.

But the most horrific part of the game was easily one which many viewers/listeners may've missed.

During the bottom of the 8th, the camera happened to zoom in on Ibanez as he sat in the dugout. Remy started talking about Ibanez and how he was drafted as the number such-and-such pick in the 32nd round of the 199X draft, and mentioned how this was his second stint with the Mariners. Well, throughout this, Ibanez has been scratching his nose, watching the game... normal dugout stuff. But, then, suddenly, Ibanez's pointer-finger vanished up his nose! He began to dig around, and I was put off of the game completely. Thanks a lot, you loser.

Hardball Cathedral in Rain Delay

2005-04-27T19:05:00.000-04:00

Wells on the DL. Schilling on the DL. Who's next? I'm beginning to feel inclined to barf in my shoe.

Anyway, horrid stuff aside, I recommend visiting the Fenway area during a rain delay. Seriously, it makes you appreciate it all more. There weren't a lot of people hanging around, so all the details were more perceptible, and it made me realize even further how much I love Fenway and the entire atmosphere. The trees on Yawkey Way practically ooze of having witnessed so much of Sox history, something you could barely notice on a regular game day - but on a day like this it makes you take a step back and think about the history of the organization. And lazing in your seat in the park when its about one third full and everyone's just hanging around hoping for a game just lets you absorb the atmosphere of the park itself. Close your eyes, and its like you can hear the voices from the very day it opened on through to the moment you're sitting there.

Yeah, yeah, I doubtlessly sound fluffy and cloudy-headed, but I'm sure you'll get the same feelings if you go there on a day like this.

Ripping the Media, But not Pitches

2005-04-26T22:30:00.000-04:00

People who do the wave during close games deserve to be shot.

And please tell me I'm not the only person growing weary of Schilling's indictments against various groups/people. He ripped some media members and Lou Piniella earlier, apparently. Hey, um, Schil, I know you've helped the Sox win a World Series and all, but maybe you should be working on getting back to form as opposed to ripping people who don't really matter much to the Sox in the grand scheme of things.

And, for the record, I have a very high respect for Lou Piniella. I seriously doubt he told Lance Carter to throw at Ortiz's head. And if anyone made a comment about Piniella being an "idiot" on the field, I suspect it's an isolated comment - and from a player who doesn't get along too well with him. If anyone is an idiot in the Rays' organization, its obviously the ownership. (As for the "lose 100 games" comment, someone might wanna remind the player in question that he's not in Kansas any more.)

Hey, wait a minute... weren't we just espounding the upside of being an idiot just a few months ago? I seem to remember somewhere in the whole Sox '04 rhetoric there being something about a band of idiots... So perhaps the player meant it as a compliment? Perhaps so...

Falling Down the Well(s)

2005-04-26T17:06:00.000-04:00

Well, if that wasn't a crappy game, I don't know what was. An ex-player (ex-journeyman?) who didn't pitch very well with them throws like an ace, two pitchers go down over foot/ankle sprains, two errors from one player (!!), and thus they lose in an entirely ugly fashion.

So Wells is on the 15 day DL, but could be out for longer. And Mantei's just floating around somewhere, can't find a thing on whether he's actually injured in a manner that requires significant time off.

Is this punishment for making fun of the Yankees' rotation troubles? Is this punishment for calling the Big Ugly Unit old and ugly? For hoping that Pavano had gotten hit in the arm when I heard that he was hit by a line drive? For making fun of Kevin Brown for being Kevin Brown? For cheering when Jaret Wright was placed on the DL? Is this the sort of thing I can only look forward to getting in return?

I'd wish we had Ben Sheets, except he has the flu, so that wouldn't be of much benefit right now. I guess things could be worse, huh?

Pocket Change

2005-04-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

The $60 mil the Sox saved when Nomar turned down that offer are looking better and better every day. Apparently, Nomar is down with what is apparently a groin injury after swinging at a pitch far too hard (he grounded into a double play, in case you were wondering). He couldn't stand afterwards and had to be carried off the field. Ah, what a good thing such is for dignity! Somehow I don't see Renteria straining his groin when attempting to get a hit, hmm?

A Wonderful Day for "Our Fair City"

2005-04-19T17:07:00.000-04:00

It is a grand day in the city of Boston. Wakefield has been signed to a contract extension, one that pretty much ensures that he shall play for the Sox right to the end.

Now, perhaps some question the wiseness of this decision so early in the season. Yeah, sure, Wakefield's been golden lately but its just the beginning of the season - he could totally crap out by July!

But recall how versatile Wakefield is. He can be used as a starter, a closer, long relief... he could probably even be used as a pitching coach if his pitching ability really falls off! This is a man you want on your pitching staff.

He's not going to cause trouble, either. He's not one of these immature, upstart pitchers there seem to be droves of these days. He's not the player who's gonna give you a head ache. He's the one who'll go out there and give it his best, and throw as much as you need him to.

He's a pitcher that there need to be more of.

Hideo Nomo: Formerly No-No, Now Just Slomo

2005-04-16T18:39:00.000-04:00

You know, originally this was going to be about how Japanese pitchers seem to get better once they leave the Dodgers. But then Nomo sucked, sort of ruining that opportunity. I also briefly considered talking about Randy Johnson's habit of picking his nose in the dug-out - and then going out and pitching with that very same hand. But I suppose I should've talked about that Friday since the game had been the night before.

So here I am, reduced to talking about how Jorge Cantu is Nomar's long-lost younger brother. I mean, look at those ears! And that nose! Either they're related, or the genes for nose-type and ear size are located on the same gene.

Speaking of making fun of Devil Rays players, why on Earth was the bill to Nomo's hat broken? A., he hasn't been with the Rays very long, and B., he's a freaking major league starting pitcher - can't they give him another one? Oh, oops, we're talking about the Devil Rays. They're roster costs $25 mil a year for a reason - tight-fisted owners. So now poor Nomo is going to have to cope with a bad ERA and a broken hat. Poor guy, you'd think after having a decent ten-year career (with some really hot spots, actually) would mean you could at least get a hat that was in good condition.

Oh, and if you were wondering where some of your favorite boy band singers of the 90's have disappeared to, we have found where at least one of them is: in the Devil Rays bullpen. Yes, Lance Carter, we have located you at last. And it turns out that you can neither sing nor pitch.

Now, the game is at hand so I will leave you with one last knock on the Devil Rays: look at their homepage. It says "Watch it happen." on the top bar. Watch what happen? The team suck and the ownership make stupid moves as usual? Watch the clearly masochistic Devil Rays fans faithfully attend games they know the Rays' will probably lose? Watch a team that has not been able to succeed at all despite the fact that their counterpart in the National League has won a world series title?

86 Reasons to Hate Stuck-up Columnists

2005-04-12T18:55:00.000-04:00

In Regards to http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=schoenfield/050412&num=1 a very irritating and hypocritical column.

"Dear Mr. Schoenfield,

Given how you eventually say in your recent Page 2 column how much it annoys you that so many Page 2 columns are about the Yankees and Red Sox, it seems odd that you would devote such time and an entire column to why you hate the Red Sox. In your last thirteen Page 2 columns on baseball, seven of them were on the Yankees or Red Sox. Hmm... seems to smell of hypocrite, doesn't it?

Now, perhaps you scowl at the screen whilst reading this, and then, with a smug smile, hit the delete button thinking that I must have no life to nitpick and research such an issue. And the answer is no, I do have a life. It just happens to be that of an unemployed college student.

- {insert real name here}"

Posted as sent. Comments on opening day later when this nasty geology homework has been completed.

Centre, not Center

2005-04-10T21:25:00.000-04:00

An ugly game for the Sox today. Ted Lilly was top form, and it's always nice to see a pitcher pitch a good game, but it was, admittedly, ruined a bit by the fact that he was playing for the opposing team.

But the game itself did not warrant the outrage I feel. It was disappointing, yes, but I found my fatalistic feelings begin to slip in around the bottom of the 7th - even with a World Series ring, the view hangs around and creeps upon me. But, no, I didn't feel a large amount of disgust at the result of the game; my feelings of ill will were hurtled towards something larger than that, something about 55,000 seats larger than that...

The SkyDome's name change.

What the hell?! Rogers Centre?! What, did Roger Clemens decide to buy the home of a former team in the off-season? When did this happen?! Where was I? (Doubtlessly under a term paper due date.) That place is most certainly not a center - oh, excuse me, centre. It is a dome, there is no other word for it. Alright, so its mroe like a block of concrete, but its more of a dome than it is a "centre". A "centre" of what? Baseball? Hardly, the place doesn't draw too well, nor is there a hell of a lot of baseball action other than on-field (unless you wanna call what happens in the players' apartments "baseball" action).

I was told to just be happy they didn't re-name it the "McDonald's Center" or "Sears Center" (as if Sears has the money to buy that cavern, anyway). But the fact remains that the palce is now named after a company, an ugly thing even for such an ugly park. Corporate naming rights... yech, whatever happened to giving ballparks in America nice names that fit the location or were the names of former members of the organization? What is this, Japanese baseball?

What? You want to hear about the game? Alright, the highlight was this: Manny stealing a base in the 5th. Oh, wait, and Millar tripping coming off the field in the 7th. Yes, those are the highlights. Pretty much says it for the type of game it was.

Arizona Teachings

2005-04-06T20:36:00.000-04:00

My trip to Arizona taught me quite a few things in regards to baseball. I attended both of the Sox exhibition games at Bank One Ballpark, and also the final spring training game that the Royals and Rangers played in.

1. Be Thankful for David Ortiz - It seems that it seldom occurs to Sox fans just how good Ortiz is. No, I understand that we all love him, but do we really appreciate him as much as we should? I had the horror of viewing the wrost waste of a DH that I've ever viewed in the form of Calvin Pickering, the Royal's DH. He hacked away at every pitch like he was playing golf, and the only way he found himself to first base was that the Rangers' relief pitcher hit him with a pitch. Pickering fanned four times in the length of the game. Ouch.

2. Fenway kicks ass - Enough complaining about Fenway, folks. Yeah, its small and it has a funky smell to it, but it has character, something Bank One Ballpark sorely lacks. From the marble-floored giftshop to the mall-like concourse, it was hard to believe I was attending a ballgame, much less pay attention. And baseball with a roof over your head? Erg, doesn't work the same. Sure, Arizona definitely needs it, but that doesn't make it feel any less weird. It was a nice ballpark, yes, but it made me want to climb into one of Fenway's rickety, narrow seats and see a game in the chilly evenings of April.

3. Baseball isn't the same everywhere - Seeing a game at the BOB was like watching a minor league game in a major league park. Far too many promotions, really to the point where it seemed that that was the real focus of the day, not the game. Don't they think we'll come otherwise? Well, maybe Diamondbacks fans wouldn't come otherwise - during the singing of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, people yelling "Red Sox!" definitely drowned out those yelling the name of the home team in the line "Let's root, root, root for the Diamondbacks!"

4. Not all Royals fans are psychotic evangelicals - Shocking, I know, but no one tried to give me a Bible or baptize me at the game. Guess not everyone in Suprise is out to convert or punish.

5. Wally, though not a really legit mascot, is actually really not so bad - Three words: Baxter the Bobcat. The only solution to the most annoying mascot in the major leagues? Shotgun.

6. What happens in spring training stays in spring training - Well... this was more evidenced by Wakefield's performance today in addition to his performance during the second exhibiton game. Six runs in less than an inning versus two runs in 6 and two-thirds inning... well, that's definitely a relief.

EDIT: It has come to my attention that, sadly, Earl Snyder is now within the Devil Rays organization. As a result, the name of this blog will have to change. Expect to see it become Tim Kester's Dead Ringer, since knuckleballers are, in my opinion, the best type of pitcher out there.

Welcome to the Desert

2005-03-31T11:44:00.000-05:00

In Arizona until the 6th. Tickets to Diamondbacks vs. Red Sox exhibition games, some other spring training games. No (or very short) updates until return.

What to Do with Your Overpriced Pedro Jersey

2005-03-21T16:44:00.000-05:00

Were you one of those people who bought a Pedro Martinez replica or authentic jersey last season? Are you now regretting that purchase? Do you find yourself staring haplessly at said shirt hanging in your closet as it collects dust, mourning both the loss of the Boston ace and twenty hours worth of salary? Well, not to worry, folks! We have now discovered a new use for that obsolete shirt of yours!

Thankfully, unlike with the Nomar debacle, there are is another player in the organization with the last name Martinez! And, as another plus, it's a pitcher! Yes, folks, you can now transform your #45 Pedro Martinex jersey into a #48 Anastacio Martinez jersey! All you need to do is pick out the stiches on the '5' and bring it to the personalization booth at your local Sox gear store. Once there, request them to replace the number that "fell off", but ask for a number 8 as opposed to the 5 that was once there.

This is a tried and true method that has recently been implemented by Rangers fans pissed off by the money they dumped on their faithful captain, Alex Rodriguez's, jersey, only to have him skip merrily off to stink up New York with conduct unbecoming. Luckily for these fans, Ricardo Rodriguez stepped in to fill the void, and with the quick switch of numbers, these fans were happily fans of a young pitcher!

So, do not despair, Pedro jersey owners! There is a light at the end of the tunnel! A shining set of numbers in the sky! Meet number 48, Anastacio Martinez, your new favorite pitcher!

The Boys of Spring

2005-03-20T18:34:00.000-05:00

Well, after being a complete moron and forgetting the password for my own blogger membership, I have re-surfaced. And just in time for the waning days of Spring Training, too! Bet this absolutely makes your day.

But, seriously, let's talk baseball - the players the Sox now have, and the players the Sox lost. No steroids here, folks --- we get enough of steroid talk everywhere else right now. (Although it may be of note that I had the privlege of being in the Capitol during the McGwire, and that he sounded even worse in person. It may also be of note that there're now countless Secret Service agents out to kick my scrawny, collegiate ass.)

Over the winter, big names were lost. Pedro and Lowe most readily come to mind. But there were also smaller losses - like that of Dave Roberts - of players who will sorely be missed. The Dave Roberts players aren't the flashbulbs and autograph superstars like Pedro and Lowe were, but they were there for the ride, and they contributed in their own way, a way that brought the Sox their first championship to Our Fair City in 86 years. So thank you to all of the smaller time players who played here, albiet briefly, and helped bring New England a late autumn beauty we've lacked for so long.

Now, I'd also like to make mention of the fact that I am absolutely delighted that Mirabelli and McCarty were re-signed. Mirabelli seemed more like a foregone conclusion to me, but McCarty wasn't so definite. McCarty is a decent player, jack of all trades, and I like that the team still has him around. And, hey, if the bullpen explodes in a horrific ball of flames, he can pitch, too! And, if you'll be so kind as to check his stats, he's actually performed decently as a relief pitcher.

I will admit to still struggling to make sense of the fact that David Wells has now parked himself on the barstool of the Sox pitching rotation. Considering his record at Fenway, it seems odd. And even if the record was caused by him being unable to perform as a Yankee versus the Red Sox due to the atmosphere of Fenway, this would seem to imply that he will be unable to perform well at Yankee Stadium. Guess this'll just be the oddity of the wintertime.

So, bring on the boys (and "Whiteboy" in David Wells's case) of summer.

Keeeeeh-viiiiinnnnnn......

2004-10-16T21:08:00.000-04:00

Who's your daddy, Kevin Brown? Who's your daddy?

Golden Boy Mendoza

2004-09-07T10:40:00.000-04:00

It is quite odd that Mendoza appears to have become the golden boy of the Sox bullpen considering what a horrorshow he was last year. But there he was, out pitching in the 9th inning, Foulke kicking around the bullpen as Mendoza neatly dealt with the Oakland batters. Maybe some people were upset that Foulke was a no-show, but after Foulke's Byung-Hyun Kim imitation on Sunday, I was quite pleased with their choice.

Oakland fans have once again proven that a good many of them are a rather unpleasant lot. Those who didn't flee from the stadium after the Sox began scoring in the 9th stuck around to hurl trash onto the field because of a bad call. While Fenway may not be a haven of peace and goodwill, I have yet to observe this happening at Fenway. While no one can blame the Oakland fans for being a pissed off about what was obviously a bad call, there is no justifying their causing the need to remove all players from the field. I suppose being an unpleasant fan is just an Oakland thing, though. Remember the riots after the 2002 Superbowl? At least the A's fans haven't burnt down a McDonalds - yet.

I must wonder if the Sox actually left the ballpark last night (I refuse to call it by it's horrendous title). If I were them I would've camped out in the locker room just to avoid possible physical harm by all those enraged Oakland fans. Especially if I were Manny. He might now have become the Oakland fans least favorite Sox player, replacing Lowe (who gained it after he had a little happy fit after winning that game in last year's playoffs). And the umpire who made the bad call could've stayed with them, too. No doubt they'll find him stabbed and jammed into a phone booth this morning.

In other news, Steinbrenner once again proved that he can be a really cold-hearted bastard when it comes to baseball. While this isn't always necessarily a bad thing, given how much of a successful ball club the Yankees have been under him, demanding that the Devil Rays get an automatic loss because they weren't at Yankee Stadium on time yesterday is just low. The Devil Rays stayed home because of the hurricane in Florida, because they wanted to make sure their families were safe during the storm. They were out of town during the first one a few weeks back, but they didn't want to be this time. So they stayed home, understandably. So Steinbrenner stomps his foot, and yells, demanding that the Yankees be given the win for the unplayed game. Hey, Georgie, would you leave your family in the path of a hurricane so you could go play baseball? Actually, wouldn't really shock me if you did.

A Series of Fortunate Events

2004-08-23T08:57:00.000-04:00

Well, the Sox swept the White Sox. This is their second series in a row that they've swept, and their third road sweep. And there's only a sweet 5 1/2 games between the slumping Yankees (they've now lost threee in a row, and dropped 6 of their last 7 games, whereas we all know full well the Sox have won 6 of their last 7) and the hell-bent Sox. Although, I'm not really ready to think of the possibility of catching the Yankees. Let's work on the Wild Card first, folks. And let's remember that the Angels are on a 6 game winning streak, too. As for the Rangers... well, for now they might be a worry, but I'm not confident that their luck-frosted juggernaut will be steaming ahead much longer. The pitching just isn't good enough for that.

In two of the three games of the series, someone from the Chigaco team was tossed. I missed the tossing of their second baseman, Willie Harris, during the ninth inning of yesterday's game, but I did see Everett's ejection. I was impressed with ow the umpire handled that. Everett put one toe out of line, and the ump tossed him. Everett came up and started screaming in his face, and the man just looked blankly at him and didn't move an inch. Sure, Everett threw a minor temper tantrum, but it didn't start anything else because of how quickly the ump ejected him. Now, this could be because the man is used to dealing with the immature Everett, which is probably true.

In the same game, someone from Chicago hit a double, and the whole crowd went absolutely nuts. And along the outfield wall, suddenly some fireworks shot up and left a lot of smoke after giving minimal eyecandy. Geez, if this is how excited they get over a double, maybe it's a good thing that the White Sox aren't in first place any more... these people might riot in their glee and excitement if the White Sox made it to just the first round.

And now, they journey to the fortress of the SkyDome in the great white northern lands to defeat the mythical Blue Jays, who are a horrendous 24.5 games out.

Sweep?

Cabrerrors, Cabrerrors

2004-08-17T20:04:00.000-04:00

Earl Snyder has been called up from the PawSox today, finally joining a major league roster. As a fan of him, I applaud this move. I do wonder a bit if he really is of the caliber necessary for major league playing, but I think he is more qualified than Cesar Crespo was. Let's hope he proves himself, as the Sox could really use the help.

In other news, Meatball (a.k.a. Eye Chart, a.k.a. Mient...etc) did an excellent job at second last night. His double play early in the game was great to watch, especially as I had been trusting in his ability as a baseball player, as opposed to whinging like a good majority of Red Sox Nation was. Would've been a bit of a let-down if he failed as predicted.

Cabrera, on the other hand, is very disappointing. Piss poor hitting and rickety defense. I hate to say it, but it's making me miss Nomar. =/ Nomar is at least hitting... his defense leaves a little to be desired, but he isn't a total fart on the field like Cabrera has been.

How many steps to home plate?

2004-08-11T18:49:00.000-04:00

Am I the only person who has noticed Johnny Damon's odd infatuation with slamming into walls while playing baseball? Last night there wasn't even a need for it, since it wasn't going to fall where he needed to leap into the wall to get it. Has our dear Johnny become a masochist? That was the eighth or ninth time he's done that this season (and, yes, I have been keeping track).Although, given that the entirety of Red Sox Nation is masochistic, you'd expect it to rub off on the players at some point.

Anyway, I've been putting off what I'm about to type for a while, but now I realize if I don't put it down now, I never will because it'll be too dated. This is my swan song in regards to Nomar, because I've just been a cranky person who has told people to move on and stop being so god damn nostalgic and emotional over it. Geez, we all knew he was gonna be gone anyway...

The last time I saw Nomar batting for the Sox, the last game on TV I watched that he was there in that uniform, I saw him go up to the plate to hit. As usual, he went through his whole OCD routine, and you know what? It absolutely broke my heart. No, not because I could forsee he'd be gone, but because of that routine. That awful routine that so many people complain about. The man obviously has serious psychological problems, and that's just awful. I know he's a liar, and he's a pain, and all of that, but even so I feel a little bad for him. Not because he doesn't play in Boston any more (god, those people need to read newspapers), not because he isn't going to make as much money (as if anyone feels bad about that), but because the man obviously needs a psychiatrist.

It also made me think of something else. Given that he is clearly not at all comfortable in his own skin, he probably was alienated from the rest of the team because he's alienated from himself. I have a relative with OCD, and they could even tell you that when you can't even relax around yourself, it's impossible to do around others. Sitting there you see him after a good win, where everyone has celebrated on the field and hugged each other, and he's looking weirded out, and you laugh and say, "Oh, he just realized he's gonna have to take twenty showers now." But then you stop and think, and you realize that it's no joke. I'm not asking for a pardon for the guy, I'm just pointing this all out.

Given that, let's forget about Pinnochio already and focus on Meatball (because spelling 'Mientkiewicz' is really asking too much of me), dammit!

Week in Review

2004-08-05T12:38:00.000-04:00

Alright. Nomar's gone, but Lowe isn't. While I do miss Nomar a bit (for purely nostalgic reasons, not based upon this season's performance on and off the field), it is better that he's moved on (and I think I might be one of only a handful of people who actually misses Enri Stanley). I'm just a little upset that Lowe couldn't be gotten rid of, and we'd have Clement here. But c'est la vie. The players we have now in return (Roberts, Cabrera, Mientkiewicz) all seem to be good players so far. And, as a bonus, none of them are superstars, hence they do not have overly inflated egos. Not to mention that they're all cheaper than the pretty penny Nomar wanted.

In other news, the Big Ugly Unit obviously has not moved. I predicted this weeks back when he said he wanted to go to the Yankees. I said he would not move, and if he did, he'd go to the Angels, and only the Angels. But, I had thought it most likely wouldn't happen either because he didn't want to go there. Now, why would he not be traded to the Yankees? Well, for one, the Diamondbacks front office despises Steinbrenner and the Bankees. Secondly, the Bankees had NO prospects. All they had to offer was money, and in the end the Diamondbacks didn't give a damn about the money. Hooray for the Diamondbacks management.

In negative news, the Red Sox blew their chance to sweep the Devil Rays. I'd go on about how sad this is, except the Devil Rays are freakishly good this year. Well... by their standards they're freakishly good. But, the fact that everyone was getting all excited about sweeping the Rays is a very sad attestment to the state of the Red Sox. It'd be only the second time they had swept on the road. The only team they swept? The Royals. Yeah, great job, guys. You swept the 38-67 Royals. That's quite an accomplishment.

Well, Lowe's pitching tomorrow. And hopefully he hasn't started to talk to the other nutty pitcher, Byung Hyun Kim, through a translator. We don't want to be finding them standing on top the Green Monster during a thunderstorm hoping to contact the ghost of the still-living-but-no-longer-pitching Dave McCarty, now do we?

Garciagone?

2004-07-31T15:34:00.000-04:00

Nomar might be gone. Same goes for Lowe, but, uhh, I don't really care if he's gone. Matt Clement would definitely be an improvement over Lowe at the moment. Actually, to be brutally honest, I'd rather have most pitchers out there as opposed to Lowe. Clement's win-loss record may not be very good, but he has a low ERA (3.02, I think) and he has a high strikeout percentage. He suffers from what Arroyo suffers from: no run support. Maybe the Sox can give him some run support though, hmm?

Anyway, as for Nomar goes, and Cabrera comes... I'm a little wary of this. Cabrera had a bulged disk in the 2002 season, and every day he wakes up he's in pain because of his back. Granted, Nomar has his Achilles' issues, but in the long run back problems are something to be more cautious about. I'm not too sharp on Cabrera's defense stats, but his batting average for this season is .246, versus Nomar's .321. For this month, Nomar has a .386 average, whereas Cabrera is down at .280. This season, Cabrera's OBP is under .300. The difference between their slugging percentage is .148.

Mmm.... guys, I'm sorry, but I'm not convinced. Cabrera doesn't look like an excellent replacement for Nomar. I guess I'm also biased because although I wouldn't mind Nomar going away, I don't exactly want him to play for another team.

Also, one last thing about Clement for Lowe. Remember how Suppan tanked when he came to the AL? He's with St. Louis now, NL now, and he's pitching well. He's an NL pitcher (even considering that he is now a closer, because when he was with the Pirates last season his ERA was 3.57 as a starter). Now his ERA is 4.02, and the record is 9-6. I'm just worried that Clement is going to turn out to be an NL pitcher, too. He's never played in the AL. Is this gonna be another Suppan-Sauerbeck debacle? They both pretty much sucked for Boston.

Of course, as I have said before, anything is better than Lowe at this point (a 5.56 ERA for Lowe versus a 3.05 ERA for Clement, and averages against them of .305 for Lowe versus .222 for Clement). Even if there is a question of whether he'll be able to transfer his success to a different league, this is probably going to be a good upgrade.

"Our Catcher Can Beat Up Your Metrosexual!"

2004-07-25T14:00:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I can’t claim creative rights to that title. I lifted it from a thread on the RemDawg message board. But, really, could it have been put any better?

Yesterday’s game really was good. I hadn’t meant to watch it, expecting just sheer agony, but then I got sucked in when I went to see what they were screeching about on the radio. What a brawl! Varitek going after A-Fraud’s prep school class president’s face was perfect. I gleefully created a background for my computer with the picture of that, and was a tad disappointed that A-Fraud’s face wasn’t really all that damaged. The New York Times this morning were quick to pin blame on Varitek, but as I recall it was A-Fraud who waltzed down the line screeching indignant “F*** you!”s at Arroyo. During the actual brawl, though, you’ll be quick to notice Arroyo did not get involved. Considering that the guy looks like he weighs 93 pounds, this was probably a smart decision on his part.

Sturtze should’ve been ejected. He went after Kapler’s neck, really, which is a bit odd because it was a very personal attack by a player who doesn’t have any history with Kapler. Lofton’s ejection left many viewers with a collective, “Huh?” And the fact that Kapler and Lofton’s ejection wasn’t announced to us viewers was a bit confusing, as after the brawl they just sort of seemed to evaporate into thin air (well, evaporate after Kapler was standing in the dugout still yelling and gesticulating).

When Bellhorn came up to bat in the bottom of the inning, he looked clueless as ever. He probably had no idea that a brawl had even occurred. I don’t even remember him in the brawl (although, given that it was almost the entirety of both benches, it would be easy to lose track of someone). He probably picked up a paper this morning and when he saw that the cover photo for the sports’ section was of Varitek messing up A-Fraud’s smarmy face, yelled to whomever was nearby, “Hey, what’s this about a brawl?”

Oh, sorry. He probably doesn’t read newspapers. Oh well, he’d only be joining the majority of America, really.

During the bottom of the 5th, Pedro and Manny were deeply involved in a discussion of hair in the dugout. They appeared to be trading hair tips, as Manny fingered his locks, stretching them out to show how their gerri curl is falling out. Pedro said something, and Manny laughed. But Pedro remained looking like a guy who hasn’t slept in a few weeks and needs some botox under the eyes. I know Pedro always looks like he’s about to fall asleep during games, but he just looked ragged and worn down last night. Has he been swapping parasites with Giambi?

Speaking of hair tips, A-Fraud the Metro should probably give Matusi some tips on skincare. Matusi looks like he never really got rid of the acne that plagued him when he was fifteen. I thought that Asian men were supposed to not have issues with oily skin. Maybe the Metro could also give Matusi tips on fielding --- Matsui did a very crappy job last night.

At the same time as the hair tip swap fest, Millar was picking at his cuticles, and, uhh, apparently eating whatever was there. What, got some chicken caught there? Or have you not been to your manicurist lately? Oh, I got it! You don't have enough money to feed yourself, as Ty Law obviously cannot manage to feed himself on $10 million dollar salary cap. A man like you making $3.3 mil obviously cannot afford to feed himself if Ty Law can't on a $10 mil salary. Tsk, tsk, the world is getting pretty unfair, isn't it?

Alright, I'll stop needlessly beating up on Millar. He had three homers Friday night, and an RBI single last night. There's no need to make fun of him right now. Even if it is really easy to.

The sixth inning was pain. Leskanic's approach to the pitchers mound made me flip the channels away, far far away, and I spent the remainding 6th inning (along with the entire 7th, and most of the 8th) watching Signs. Good movie. I took it as a sign that if aliens could attack Earth, but then leave us alone, maybe the Sox had a prayer of winning. So as credits rolled, it was back to the game. And, scarily enough, I came back to see a Ramiro Mendoza pitching. "Oh, geez, "I thought, "It's the end after all."

Was I ever wrong. Despite Nomar's awful strike-out in the bottom of the 8th, he came back to use his super OCD powers to hit a double in the 9th. Advanced to third on Trot's fly-out, then got home on Millar's single. And then, a Mueller home run. And, oh! Sweet victory.

A repeat would be nice, but with Lowe on the mound, I doubt it. Ah well, maybe he'll suprise us. If Mendoza can be a winning pitcher, then I'm sure Lowe can manage to pull it off, too...

Salary figures on Ty Law and Kevin Millar were taken, respectively, from USA Today and Boston Baseball. Comment on Asian men not typically having oily skin is taken from my public school and Chinatown experiences and is not intended to offend. Upon inspection of box scores, despite Kapler and Lofton's apparent ejections, only A-Fraud, Varitek, and Francona are listed as having been ejected. Box scores taken from mlb.com were used to check figures from the game against what I recalled, so as not to publish any false information.

The View From Here

2004-07-22T22:28:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm glad that the Sox won their most recent game. Yes, I'm ecstatic that Wakefield got the win. Yes, I'm glad Youkilis got a home run. And, yes, it felt like a good win. But none of this changes the fact that these losers lost two out of three games to the Baltimore Orioles. The seventeen games back, eight games below .500 Baltimore Orioles. These guys suck, and yet they have somehow become a miniature Yankees-style threat. They play the Red Sox, pain abounds for Sox fans. What the hell? What's wrong with this picture? There is just no excuse for this.

Pedro was shelled. Second time this year he's been shelled by the sub-shit Orioles. He had a no-decision in the third game, not a win. So his record is 0-2 against the Orioles. Isn't Pedro supposed to be great and unstoppable? If so, then how come it seems that his greatest obstacle is defeating the Orioles? His ERA stands at 4.01 as a result of the debacle, and the crap Orioles pitcher, Erik Bedard, improved his ERA to 4.04, much to the happy cheers of Orioles fans.

I also believe that, in the past, the Orioles bullpen has been knocked for being awful. Relief pitching for Orioles gave up a total of three runs over nine innings. Boston relief pitching? Seven runs over approximately ten innings. Wow, actually looks like Baltimore's pen is more effective than Boston's... And they don't even have Mendoza. The management of the Orioles had already realized that the trading for Mendoza idea was some weird drug trip (or, rather, Lee Mazzilli's further attempts to help his beloved Yankees out), but I believe that their realization was more than confirmed by Mendoza's performance in relief earlier today. They realized that Mendoza helps the Orioles more by playing for Boston than playing for them. Oh, excuse me, Mendoza helps out all opposing teams when he plays for Boston. It wouldn't suprise me if, in every clubhouse across America, there was some sort of shrine worshipping Mendoza's superb ability to hand games away to the opposing team.

At least tomorrow presents a Schilling-Lieber match-up. Lieber's ERA is 4.82, and the only reason he has a winning record (only by one game, though) is because he happened to have good fielding during most of his winning outings. Schilling, 3.04, heavenly 12-4, is just great no matter how you spin it. So just as long as someone ties Mendoza up and jams him into one of the lockers, making sure that he jams his neck in the process (remember his DL-trip for falling asleep on the clubhouse wall?), the Sox are looking at a good opportunity tomorrow evening.

Of course, given that these are the Sox, they'll figure out some way to screw it up.

Sir, is there something wrong with your jockstrap?

2004-07-20T19:25:00.000-04:00

I am ignoring the game for obvious reasons right now. Although the Sox are ahead, and Lowe is no longer pitching, I don't have enough faith, because Lowe games as of late always equal pain, misery, and loss.

Bronson Arroyo is really proving himself as of late. And by late, I mean June and July. It just plain isn't fair that he did not get a win yesterday. 12 strikeouts, and for what? Foulke to screw it up, and than Leskanic to break-down in a Lowe-like fashion. It's a bit suprising Arroyo lasted as long as he did yesterday, though. I thought his arm would be worn out much faster, given how many times the camera caught him re-arranging his jockstrap.

Lowe threw a tanturm a few innings ago after being pulled. For some reason Sox players lately seem to be trying to outdo Milton Bradley. I used to think he was the most psychotic guy in baseball (with Chen Ho Park not too far behind), but I'm beginning to wonder if Lowe might be getting ready to edge him out. Lowe has always had a few screws loose, but his tantrums and rants lately are making Sox fans like me more and more worried. Not that it's really very possible to get more worried than we now are about him, given that every time he pitches many fans fully expect a Sox loss.

Sierra-Leone

2004-07-20T08:31:00.000-04:00

Anyone recall a little while back when I expressed doubts about Curt Leskanic? Y'know... the one who gave up FOUR runs in the 11th inning? Granted, if Foulke hadn't given up those runs in the 9th, Leskanic never would've had to pitch. Even so, Leskanic stands at a 1-5 record. In about two of those cases he inherited a rotten situation, but that still leaves three losses that he caused.

I believe Lowe is pitching today, which gives me nightmares. It will be very sad when the Sox end up losing a series to the Mariners. The Mariners are currently 35-56, meaning a win percentage of .385. Yeah, talk about sub-.500 ball.

In other news, the Royals lost last night but had been on a five game winning streak, something that surely caused many heart attacks given that they had had a nine game losing streak just before. But since they lost yesterday, this probably means they will go on something like a 10 game losing streak. They seem to adore to going on short winning streaks, and then long drawn out losing streaks, with some loss-win-loss series somewhere in the mix.

During the game last night, something occured to me. If Ruben Sierra (of the Yankees, obviously), and Justin Leone (of the Mariners) had a gay marriage in Massachusetts, they could both end up with the last name Sierra-Leone.

My Internet Connection Was with Pedro

2004-07-17T19:21:00.000-04:00

Apparently my internet connection decided to take off with Pedro to the Dominican last week. I haven't been able to connect until yesterday, and even then my pissy connection refused to go near the blogger page. Go figure. You'd think it had enjoyed the weather of the islands enough to react pleasantly to me, but no such luck.

Y'know, Ortiz's pulling a Milton Bradley last night was downright scary. I know he'll argue with umps, but it was crazy how he behaved last night. He should be ashamed of himself. Especially his throwing the bats at the umpires after he got off the field. It was like watching Milton Bradley dump balls on the field last year all over again, except that I expect that from Bradley (who Ellis Burks once said was the "angriest man" he had ever met) and not from Ortiz.

Lowe was a nightmare on Thursday. I was sitting there and almost (almost) wishing for Mendoza. That's pretty sad. I actually would trust a blind man in a wheelchair to pitch more than I trust Lowe. I've heard murmurs and rustlings around that say that the Rockies might be interested in him, by the way. He pitched like a dream there, afterall.

Note: I have nothing against blind men in wheelchairs. I just have the hunch that they wouldn't be the best people in the world to be pitching for a major league team.

Billy Beane is not my love,

2004-07-09T15:11:00.000-04:00

He's just a guy
Who says this team is the one...
The team that had not won.

Alright, I know, don't give up your day job. Well, I don't have a day job to give up.

Anyway, that probably would've worked better if the Sox had lost, but it was too good to not use. The game last night was great, especially considering that was one of the types the Sox typically lose. I actually had the privilege to see the game from the cozy confines of Fenway itself. I'm one of those fans who is loud and who will yell at other fans if I deem them obnoxious. I stood up and yelled "SHUT UP! In case you haven't noticed, these are the Oakland A's, not the friggin' Yankees!" when all those morons started chanting the old Yankees Suck mantra.

The people next to me were awful. They kept getting up to get stuff and were discussing boyfriends the whole time. And were on their cell phones. They didn't pay any attention to the game, and one whined, "It's only the 5th inning?" when it was the bottom of the 6th. I was tempted to strangle them with their cell phone antennae.

At least they weren't doing the wave. For some reason three sections of the right field grandstand thougt that it would be great to do the wave during very tense moments in the game when the Sox were really close to losing their elad. What the hell? What's wrong with you people? Geez, it must've been brainless night at Fenway... maybe they even advertised it and I didn't notice. Ugh, the Dodgers game a few weeks back was a lot more enjoyable...

The game itself was pretty good, as I believe I've already stated. It was thrilling because of how close it was (not something I appreciated as I was standing and screaming in agony during the 9th inning), but the pitching could've been a little better. Schilling died after throwing 105 pitches, and Timlin wasn't as good as he should've been. Foulke was just disappointing. Ah well, can't have it all. I was suprised that they didn't send Embree back out in the 7th, though. I think they should've left him in.

Mueller needs more cheers when he gets up at the plate. I mean, this guy is last year's AL Batting Champion, and he barely gets a smattering of claps. Meanwhile, Mr. Garciagonna gets huge ovations and screaming of fans (he's not a bad player, it's just how cranky he can get that bothers me). As does Damon (not to put down Damon, he's a great player who is very under-rated). And even Millar (?!). Mueller definitely needs an appreciation campaign done for him. The reason he wasn't playing as well at the beginning of the season was probably due to his injury. Now he's back, and he's great, as should be expected of an AL batting champion.

Viva la Mueller!

Oh, the Royals...

2004-07-08T10:07:00.000-04:00

The Red Sox won, which was great. Oakland pitching really could use some re-tooling. I know they've had injuries, but their rotation is in dire need of repair, based upon how soon they had to pull their pitchers in the last two games due to the fact that the Sox were beating up on them so badly. And we must remember that the Sox really hadn't been hitting all that much lately... or, at least, hitting when they needed to.

But... the Royals lost. Horribly. Twins swept them, and all three games were shut-outs. Ouch. I'm getting extremely worried that this years Royals are going to be the new Tigers. I had wanted to see the Tigers beat the record of awfulness set by the Mets all those years back, but I certainly don't want the Royals to. I love them, and I'm dying to go see them sometime at Kauffman, but given their performance this season, it looks like I should wait until the next season. They've won a grand total of 29 games so far. Anyone know where the Tigers were this time last year? I'm afraid the Royals might be worse...

And in other news, I despise Brad Halsey, even though he pretty much was the reason the Yankees lost yesterday. Along with A-Rod (A who?), who made an error in an inning when the Tigers ended up scoring three runs.

And in other other news, the Red sox might be going after Randy Johnson. I was informed by a relative of this, as they ran away from the TV yelling. Apparently Theo is going to talk to Randy Johnson, and Shonda Schilling is going to talk to Mrs. Johnson. Don't you love how they're having Mrs. Schilling talk to Mrs. Johnson? So while the Yankees are having an all-out heart attack over their dead-awful pitching, the Sox are looking to strengthen their pitching. I looked over his career ERA's and his win-loss records for every season, and although his best year for wins was in the NL, he had his lowest ERA when he was in the AL (with Seattle, 1997 with a 2.28 ERA). I had just wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna come to the AL and start pitching horrible.

Facts and figures were taken from baseball-reference.com, except for the amount of Royals wins. I just know they have 29 wins because its hard to forget such a horribly pathetic amount of wins. And because they haven't won a game for eight straight now.

ATTENTION!

2004-07-07T22:35:00.000-04:00

As just heard on TV, Randy Johnson looks like a possibility.

A Prayer for Tim Wakefield/This is Earl Snyder

2004-07-06T19:25:00.000-04:00

I really don't have much to say. I hope that Wakefield can eke out a win tonight, because he really should've been able to get one in his last two starts, except that the offense and defense sucked too much for the Sox to win and Wakefield to get the win.

Anyway, I think I'll introduce Earl Snyder to you guys/women/children/hes/shes/its/gentleman/ladies/monsters. Earl Snyder plays for the PawSox down in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. He is an infielder, and has a current batting average of .283 in 314 at bats. He has had 89 hits, 24 doubles, 22 home runs, and 47 runs. He is in first place in the Internaional League for RBI's (63). This is Earl Snyder
. He's 28 years old and his jersey number is 7. And he is my favorite PawSox player. He's not the best one playing there, but he is my favorite one.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going off to see Farenheit 9/11.

The Cheerleader Brigade

2004-07-05T15:54:00.000-04:00

I came up with another use for Francona that does not involve managing: cheerleader. He and Millar can be the only cheerleading duo in MLB. Although, with Francona, don't offer him a skirt. Millar in a skirt could be something some people might dig, but Francona in a skirt... um, that's a bit scary.

Actually, the crux of this was supposed to be me talking about the Pawsox game yesterday, but that title was too good to not use.

The PawSox played an excellent game yesterday. They demonstrated how a team needs the guys at the bottom of the order working hard, too. Henri Stanley (.259) and Tony Schraeger (.262) both went 4 for 5, with Stanley having a home run. Earl Snyder (!!) went 3 for 5 with two doubles, but didn't add to his impressive RBI total (63). And Daubauch hit a home run and a double in four at-bats.

I want Daubauch playing up in the majors really, really badly. .339 batting average, and while he is no Pokey Reese, his fielding is decent (much better than the guys he could replace --- Kevin Millar). I'd tell you his OBP, except that it isn't listed for minor leaguers. Bummer for them.

Someone pointed out to me, though, that in order to bring Daubauch up to replace Millar, Millar would have to agree to a DL trip, and that he's really being paid too much to not be doing anything. Uhh, he isn't doing anything, that's the point. Hire a hitman to break his arm, please! But it isn't worth it because he's being paid so much?! Uh, guys, I don't care how much you're paying him --- it isn't worth it if he's stinking up the joint.

Bring us Daubauch, NOW.

Bitching about Pitching

2004-07-04T23:40:00.000-04:00

Last night's game was another demonstration of one of the many problems with the pitching rotation. Watching Lowe fall apart in the space of about five minutes was extremely painful. Why is this guy even here? If you cannot pitch five innings, you shouldn't be pitching in the majors. End of story.

Anyway, I did see a good game at Pawtucket. And a super Brian Daubauch. A homer, a double, and two RBI's. Can we bring this guy back, please?

But let's cut to the chase. This is supposed to be about the Red Sox pitching. I can go on about the excellent PawSox game later.

Well, let's start off with Lowe 'cause he was so awful yesterday. I'm just waiting for him to start trying to decipher the patterns cut in the grass by the groundskeepers because he thinks that aliens wrote them. Or for a bird to fly into the ballpark during the national anthem and him to hit the ground, clutch his head, and scream "It's a sign!!!!" Alright, so maybe I'm being a bit harsh. But this guy has been terrible lately, and given how emotional he can get I have a feeling it's definitely getting to him. Mybe they should put him on the DL for mental issues...

Arroyo. Had a lot of hope for him after that superbly awesome performance versus the Yankees way back in April. But now, roughly two months later, he has a record of 2-7. an ERA of 4.50. And did you know he sucks at Fenway and at night? At Fenway he has an ERA of 6.55, and at night he has an ERA of 5.66. Ouch. I want April Arroyo back, please. Although, given his last three starts, it looks like my wish may actually have a chance of coming true.

I love Pedro. I was a little confused at his behavior at Yankee Stadium last week, but I was sure he had an explanation (and he did: he said in an interview he was luring them into a false sense of security). So what is my problem with Pedro? Well, beside the whole thing where they either get Good Pedro or Bad Pedro, he's sort of fragile. I've been calling him Boston's Very Own China Doll for about two years now. But he's 8-3 (his ERA could use a little bit of work, though), so I'm not going to say much else.

And then we come to another guy with a few screws loose, Byung-Hyun Kim. I have an irrational attachment to Kim, but I can still see he could take a trip on the DL for mental problems with Lowe. In fact, it might be a good thing he doesn't speak much English. Imagine what would happen if he and Lowe started talking and swapping their psycho-trip stories. We might find them in Fenway one night at about 3 o'clock in the morning trying to contact the aliens or the ghost of Akinori Ohstuka (the crazy part of which is that Ohstuka is neither dead nor very good at pitching). But, then again, maybe then Lowe could convince Kim to talk to the sports' psychologist and Kim could convince Lowe to get some acupuncture.

A view of Mendoza is fresh in my mind. First pitch he threw yesterday at the PawSox game and, BANG!, it's a home run. Now that's the Mendoza we all know and hate. He's overpaid, and cannot pitch. If you're doing poorly at the minor league level, then you definitely shouldn't end up at the major league level. Now, while I will admit he can't be too bad of a guy given that he accepted his assignment as Nixon's personal rehab buddy, he can't pitch, and in the end that's the killer.

After one of the games in New York the other night, Timlin whined and complained. He blamed Francona for leaving him in too long. Instead of behaving like a mature adult, he shoved the blame off on someone else like a cranky 5-year old. Grow up, dude.

Hmm... Leskanic. I've sort of ignored anything he's done for the Sox so far. I think he's a little too much of a gamble, though, considering his surgery and the fact that the Royals got rid of him. The Royals are terrible right now , and he really didn't reduce all that much of their budget (he was making $1.25 million). I'm just a little bit wary of him.

And Williamson is injured. Not really anything else to say there.

Now I'm moving on to Schilling. Ok, so I don't have any complaints about him on the pitching mound. Hell, I don't have any complaints with him for anything in the ballpark. I just think that off the field people are trying to make him into some sort of super hero. Remember when he busted that drunk driver by calling the police? Do you really think that if you or I called the police about a drunken driver anyone but our families and friends would ever hear about it? It most certainly would not be a top news item. Basically: Curt is a great pitcher, but don't make him into a super hero that he isn't. I'm not putting down his achievments off the field, I'm just pointing out that a regular person you might see in a bar on a game night could do the same stuff off the field and would not end up on the news because of it.

Yeah, I don't have any complaints about Wakefield. He should've won the last two, except that the offense and defense and bull pen of the Red Sox sucked both times and killed off any chance he had. Sox better win Tuesday, and he better get the win, because I'm tired of him getting no-decisions.

I was going to mention Malaska, except then I'd have to mention the whole damn bullpen, and that would probably bore everyone to death (myself included). And the once sparkling bullpen depresses me anyway.

Facts and figures in this post were taken from mlb.com and baseball-reference.com.

How to Win the Division

2004-07-03T22:15:00.000-04:00

- hire a hitman to kill off all the Yankees except for Halsey, Lieber, and Bubba Crosby
- contaminate the Yankees food/water supply with intestinal parasites
- dig up the wrong Giambi and somehow switch his brain with the right Giambi
- convince aliens to kidnap Joe Torre
- convince Derek Lowe that aliens have kidnapped Joe Torre
- pray to whatever god there is that he/she/it favor the Sox this year and smite the Yankees

or, the best way to win out of all options...
- play as well as they did tonight on a regular basis

I think I like that one and convincing Lowe that aliens kidnapped Torre the most.

Kidnap Piniella

2004-07-03T11:06:00.000-04:00

Francona might be on drugs. That's the only way I could understand why he's telling the Sox that they're "f***ing great."

I'd have to admit that I never really wanted them to get rid of Grady. Grady had some... well, weird methods. But in the end he got them pretty damned far, and just sorta screwed up in the end. Yeah, he screwed up fairly badly, but he at least GOT them to the play-offs. Francona simply isn't going to get them there, at least not the way he's been managing.

I think that the problem with Francona is that he's too much of a players' friend guy. He hasn't really gotten past the stage where he used to play baseball, he still identifies with the players and he is going to rather play the role of friendly comrade than drill sergeant manager. And this is a real problem, because if he keeps on telling them they're "f***ing great" after lost games, then they aren't going to be trying any harder. He's giving them this illusion that they are playing well. And even if they know they aren't playing well, subconsiously they will no doubt take this in and believe it. People like to get approval.

The Front Office needs to realize this. Francona would be better as a first base coach, he isn't manager material. He would probably be better off as a bench coach, even.

So who should they hire as a manager?

Lou Piniella.

Now, the thing is, Piniella is probbaly not going to want to leave his pride and joy (a.k.a. the freakishly good Devil Rays) behind. So we're going to have to resort to drastic measures: kidnap him. Or, we could just give Vince Naimoli (Devil Rays manager, for those of you who are not Devil Ray-savvy) some big-name loser (hmm, Nomar, possibly?), and maybe some random players in the minor league system who hail from Florida (they don't need to be very good either --- they just need to be from Florida), and he would probably happily hand over Piniella. It could be the first manager trade in MLB. After all, if Naimoli sees that these random prospects are from Florida, he'll probably wet his pants from excitement.

Piniella is like a modern-day shaman. He's really turned the Devil Rays around. And, hey, if he can improve a team like the Devil Rays, then he should be able to handle the Red Sox. The Devil Rays don't really have amazing players, but he's managed to get them all working and has ended up with a team that's been shocking everybody lately. So, in theory, if we give him a team that has more talent, he should be able to transform them into World Series winners. The Devil Rays have been playing very well as of late, and they are only three games behind the Sox. If they continue at the rate they're travelling at, and the Sox continue at their horrible rate, the Devil Rays are going to beat out the Sox for second place. Scary. And with Francona continuing to manage the Sox, and Piniella continuing to manage the Rays, I would not be at all shocked if this were to happen.

So the answer is: kidnap Piniella, get rid of Francona, and let Sox fans bask in the warm, cheerful feeling of having a good manager.

Be Like the Royals

2004-07-02T18:25:00.000-04:00

You know, the thing about the Sox team of this year is that they actually were off to a pretty good start. They cruised along, walked all over the Yankees, and generally made us all feel good about being Sox fans.

And then they decided to let their will to play commit suicide. Huh? What happened? They aren't even playing .500 ball any more! It's extremely depressing.

I love the Red Sox, otherwise I would never have started this site. But I will also admit I'm quite enamored of the Royals. They had a great season last year, especially considering their totally stinker season the previous year. I hate that they ended up coming in only third, but after having their first season of dropping 100 games, it was such a shocker. They had a 21 game improvement within a space of one season.

But this season they've been awful. They've displaced the Tigers as the worst team of the year. But at least they've been playing horrible all along. Pretty much from day one of the 2004 season, they've been terrible. So they didn't give me a false sense of hope and then crush it, as the Red Sox have. I just sort of whine once in a while about how dreadful they are this season, but it isn't the up-and-down, give-you-hope-but-then-smash-it of the Red Sox. It's enough to make me want to become a Devil Rays fan.

Maybe they'll win tonight...

HA! Who am I kidding? They're gonna LLLLOOOOOSSSSEEEE!!!

Millar for Hire

2004-07-02T17:12:00.000-04:00

I'd have to say that as more time passes, I wonder why the Red Sox tried so hard to keep Millar from winding up playing for the Chunichi Dragons. His fielding has been terrible. He isn't hitting, and hasn't been, really, since the All Star Break last season. If he was hitting, you could at least play him as the DH, but at the current moment he has no place in the line-up at all. The Sox have other guys who would be much better to have in the line-up.

On the other hand, there is something Millar appears to be good at: cheerleading. So my suggestion is that instead of bothering to put him in the line-up so that they can say that he is at least working for his pay, take away his fielding glove and his kleats, give him a skirt and pom poms, and send him out to be the only cheerleader in MLB.

Yeah, sure, he'll be a WAY overpaid cheerleader, but think of it as making up for all the cheerleaders out there who are way underpaid. And also think of it as rescuing the line-up from total break down. In the end it all evens out: he'll actually be doing something he's good at, the fans will probably love it, and the line-up can pull another player into that will actually be doing some hitting, and, possibly even *GASP* fielding!

Killed by a Neighbor

2004-07-01T23:47:00.000-04:00

John Flaherty. Sounds like a guy you'd find in a pub near Fenway, or a guy you may've gone to high school with in Charlestown. Definitely does not sound like the guy who would end up murdering the Red Sox in the 13th inning in New York.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da...

A Modest Proposal

2004-07-01T12:34:00.000-04:00

Nomar sucks. There isn't much else you can say about him. And I don't think it's just bitterness, either. In my opinion, he's never going to be the same after his injury earlier this season. And it looks like he's gonna be gone before we can blink an eye.

But, I do have a suggestion: sacrifice Nomar.

Here's how it works: we sacrifice Nomar to the gods of baseball, the Red Sox might have a slightly higher chance than the nonexistent one they have right now for managing to crawl into the play-offs. It could even make more money for the Red Sox organization, and maybe they could shop around for a cheap relief pitcher. They could make a special event out of it, "Sacrifice Day at Fenway". See? It even rhymes. People like things that rhyme.

So, we mark off a day on the calendar when the Sox are out of town, and open up the ballpark for people so they can sell tickets to the sacrifice of Nomar. All types of gods adore blood sacrifices, so the baseball gods should love this. Throw him on a pyre or something similar, and afterwards allow the fans to buy ashes for $5 an ounce. Then watch a game on the Jumbotron and see the Red Sox kick the arses of whomever they are playing that evening, and know that the gods of baseball liked the sacrifice very much. Hell, we could even throw Cesar Crespo in as a package deal! (I have nothing against Crespo, though --- he just isn't major league material yet.)

Oh, yes, and welcome to my blog. I just started and hope I haven't offended --- yet.